it has been a while since i stop to think within the last two years.
i built up a wall of lies and chained myself onto a rock. a rotting tree rather.

and the smell, the slime, the dirt slowly creped over onto my flesh.
i thought it would be fine. i prayed you know. i looked up at the sky
once in a while, and gave a big thumbs up at all the things that made him turn.

i devoured my flesh until i could feel no longer. and i twisted his words until holy
was just another word. i beat my body to complete its perfection,
and when it failed, i made sure it never forgot its disgrace.

head to toe covered in sores and puss from the rots of that tree.
i have no eyes to look up anymore, no thumbs to raise high to tell him his good works.

hum.

i think i will just quit this and go to bed.

i have been OBSESED with this song for the last two days:)
it's by the future bible heroes... (whatever that means)
but check it out!
it's amazing:)
thanks heather:)



I never age and I'll never die
Unlike all the stars in the sky
I'll be young forever
But why?
Cause I'm a vampire
Dear, for whose victims I shed no tear
I am neither sweet nor sincere
And I'd rather drink blood than beer
Cause I'm a vampire
The sun will never touch me
I abhor its filthy light
I am the mistress of the damned
And of the children of the night
I have all the love I need
It is your blood I crave
I am the bitch goddess from beyond your grave
I can turn into a bat
I can cast the evil eye
I have ever so much money
I'm gorgeous
And I can fly
I survied the Inquisition
Been a harlot
Been a queen
Survived for seven hundred years
And still look seventeen
Hon, one from whom you really should run
I despise the light of the sun
And I kill your kind just for fun
Cause I'm a vampire
Damn, I am what?
I am what I am
And I am impossibly glam
And I am happy as a clam
Cause I'm a vampire
Blanche, with a blood flow no one can stanch
A blood flow
A blood avalance
I'm a tidal wave of tarantulas

you are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first
beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go
your hair was long when we first met

samson went back to bed
not much hair left on his head
ate a slice of wonder bread and
went right back to bed
and the history books forgot about us
and the bible didn't mention us
not even once

you are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first
beneath the stars came falling on our heads
but they're just old light
your hair was long when we first met

samson came to my bed
told me that my hair was red
told me I was beautiful and
came into my bed
oh I cut his hair myself one night
I buried those scissors in the yellow light
and he told me that I'd done alright
and kissed me till the morning light

samson went back to bed
not much hair left on his head
ate a slice of wonder bread and
went right back to bed
oh we couldn't bring the columns down
yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
and the history books forgot about us
and the bible didn't mention us
not even once



...
taylor has been absolutely fanatic about regina lately:)
and i must have to adimt, this is my favorite song of hers....




life... has been more than i can ask for lately
i must have to say, the sweetest things from my past have become my greatest barrier, and the pains and fears of old has been cleaned up and healed into something that keeps me passionate.... and love life.

i am in love
i am truly in love


it is with my samson, who loves me enough to forgive my deepest transgression toward him... it is with him, whom i loved first... it is with him i desire to be remembered... it is with him i will bear through the life of sin... it is by him i will be loved.... by him until the morninglight... unable to escape my greatest downfall... yet willing to love him... and loved by him

with both of our hands dirty
by the will of providence
with our utmost human instincts
spirituality
unable to avoid eachother and ones faults

yet we love because we were told to love




i love
and i meant to love

i really really really hate how this country works sometimes....
i mean, really!!!

I know she said it's alright
But you can make it up next time
I know she knows it's not right
There ain't no use in lying
Maybe she thinks I know something
Maybe maybe she thinks it's fine
Maybe she knows something I don't
I'm so, I'm so tired, I'm so tired of trying

It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
'Cause no one, no not no one
Likes to be let down

I know she loves the sunrise
No longer sees it with her sleeping eyes
And I know that when she said she's gonna try
Well it might not work because of other ties and
I know she usually has some other ties
And I wouldn't want to break 'em, nah, I wouldn't want to break 'em
Maybe she'll help me to untie this but
Until then well, I'm gonna have to lie too

It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
'Cause no one, no not no one
Likes to be let down
It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go

The harder that you try baby, the further you'll fall
Even with all the money in the whole wide world
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me by

Everything you know about me now baby you gonna have to change
You gonna have to call it by a brand new name
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down

Just like a tree down by the water baby I shall not move
Even after all the silly things you do
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down

....
the hour of doom has begun....




let it come full force baby!

it was about three weeks ago....
i thought i needed the masonite for something oh so special, and just had to have them....

well, there was no truck at my disposal so.....



chad is wonderful isn't he??


heheheheheh

p.s:)
the ringdown was just awesome tonight!!!!
i am so happy for sBoltz:)

sarah... carol... andrew x2... mike... mateo... erin... calieyn... sjanke... emac... brittany... janet, wendy.... and all my senior friends....

it is so sad that it will be goodbye so soon for good





i had a great time hanging out with carol, sarah, mike, chad tonight.

it was a good good night:)

:)

when i got back from mike's house, i really wanted to listen to michael w smith... you know, that album from back in the jr high days....

so i found in on itunes... listen to the whole thing.... then michelle branch came on....
the whole album hotel paper just brings back completely foreign emotions that i have burried so long ago.

what we talked about tonight did help trigger those hidden things.

and the wet air, the moist air heightened my sences.

i love this weather.
i love this life.
i love that i am alive.
and i love that god never lets me forget that i am important.
really.
i love love.


and i love the fact that i can love it right now,
and i love the fact that i can love you right now.

i love it that i am here in this place in this situation
i love it that there are trials and blessings
i love it that i know him and he knows me

i love love.
and i love this life.




do you love?
do you love love?
do you love life?
?


what is love to you?
cuz we are all desperate